Getting better at not giving a F*@$.

My whole existence I haven't been an assertive type. I have always been fairly complacement and just gone with things, mostly to just not kick up a fuss and not offend anyone. I guess I've always been a people pleaser, as I really enjoy seeing others happy..even if that's at the expense of my own.

I often would overthink hypothetical situations that would never end up actually happening. I worried too much about what other people thought of me. It's only recently I've changed this pattern.

 I had no sense of who I was, yet I was constantly trying to prove to others that I did.

I started doing Yoga as a kid with my Dad and always felt so at peace during those classes. I would just switch off from the world and feel at ease in the bliss of each present moment.

I knew I wanted to become a Yoga Teacher, yet I never really believed I could.

It wasn't until I was 18 and thought fuck it. I went and lived in an Ashram learning Yoga.
I fully emersed myself into it. I let go of stupid teenage pressures, left my phone behind and was eager to learn.
We lived in a self-sustained little ashram in Ohui beach in the Coromandel. It was quite possibly one of the most beautiful places I've ever been, the beach, the trees, but just the moments shared made it even more infinitely beautiful.
I met the most brilliant weird and wonderful folk from all over the world. We Yoga-ed everyday all day, gardened, created art, read weird books and had some deep chats about life. My horizons began to open and so did my mind. I began to discover how much more there was to life than just social media and teen pressuers.

I had some amazing folk around me, who just reactivated my lust for life. The one thing they all had in common was they didn't give a fuck about others opinions of them.

A trait that I found to be calming and so good to be around.

It makes you live in the present moment more. You don't dwell on the past, or fret about the future, you just begin to enjoy and appreciate the here and now.

After a month of living here I felt so much better and gave a lot less of a fuck about meaningless shite.

Yet, life has a funny way of throwing stuff our way and I found I once again lost that sense of peace. Over working, over tired and definitely over thinking, that whirlwind of adult worries hit me hard. I'd try to rationalise and understand the irrational situations my life kept throwing at me. I didn't realise at the time that the patterns that kept appearing in my life, were because of my mindset. I needed to think differently to create change. I got back into art.

My creativity poured. I painted for days. It felt amazing, I felt inspired and free again.

I began to embrace my life again, fully. I let the universe just take me one whatever weird and wonderful path it wanted. I trusted life. I began to not worry and not care. I put positive thoughts out there, and in turn I began to reap positive rewards.
I began to live more in the present. Constantly being more mindful of the here and now. I smiled more and laughed more.

I started to focus less on relationships with others and a lot more on the relationship I had with myself.

Happiness began to flow in my life. Things began to really fall into place. People would say I was so lucky, and had such a good life. I started to be grateful of everything, and even if it wasn't great I'd appreciate any lessons I learnt.

Give yourself the love you seek, and the universe will send people into your life to match it.

I began to see that no matter what happens in life, the less you care about stuff that doesn't really matter, the happier you will be.
The more you embrace the present, the more life will make you smile. The small things of joy will overflow and you will start to become truly happy.

And believe me when I say sadness is necessary for happiness. As we need a comparison to judge anything, if we had no sadness or hardship, happiness would just be normal and not appreciated.
So don't stress or fret as life will take you through all the ups and downs so you can fully embrace and appreciate them.

The universe has funny ways of working, and no matter where you are right now I promise you, it's probably exactly where you need to be.


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